Let go.
- Pavni
- Mar 31, 2024
- 4 min read
Do our problems really just get smaller and get solved over time or is it something that
changes within us? Is the past something to think about or something to think less of?
These questions unfold the concept of letting go.
Letting go is the act of detaching yourself from something that you're greatly attached to. It is facing a problem or situation with acceptance rather than an extreme reaction or response.
Letting go is one of the most common advice I get from people and the most common advice I've seen people receive. However, only a few can completely let go and there are only so many times that you can convince yourself to 'let go' of a situation or incident.
Why is it hard to let go?
Detaching yourself is not easy. Being emotionally attached to something has a significant impact on how hard it gets to detach. It becomes more difficult to let go of anything negative that happens to someone or something you're emotionally attached to.
The human brain is wired to prioritize unpleasant experiences and interactions over favourable ones. This is known as negative bias in psychology.
Another reason is the lack of familiarity. Humans crave familiarity because it creates a sense of comfort and safety however when the object or person they attach this feeling with is gone, the human brain keeps thinking about it to feel better and safe.
Is letting go the best thing you can do or is it just something you do not to acknowledge the problem and ultimately the problem comes back to you in some form?
Knowing when to let go
The biggest gain of letting go is that you get a step closer to being emotionally healthy and peaceful but when you let go of something too early or at the wrong time it leads to confusion or buried effects from the situation.
Situations where it is healthy to let go
In the majority of cases letting go is healthy as it allows you to obtain peace and process the emotions you felt.
Losing someone - Losing people is a part of life, if someone cuts you off or passes away holding on to them is unhealthy. This is something you can't control. The best way to deal with this is to allow yourself to grieve for the person but eventually move on with your life and focus on aspects not involving them.
Failure - Failing at something and taking it personally can affect your self-esteem, confidence and mood deeply. Looking at failure as a part of the journey and letting go of it contributes to growth.
Expectations from others - As mentioned in a lot of my previous articles depending on validation from an external source is not healthy. Sooner or later there will be a time where you simply can't meet the expectations of others. Rather focus on what you expect from yourself and don't let go of that.
Grudges- Grudges affect your individual emotional well-being and restrict you from being happy. If something has caused you to feel a deep sense of anger or sadness, remember to not let it happen in the future but let go of the emotions associated with it.
Guilt -Guilt is one of the toughest feelings to let go of because whenever you try to let go of it, it feels like you don't care about that situation. Guilt can lead to deeply rooted feelings of shame and low self-esteem which is why acknowledging your action and letting go of the shame associated with it is healthy.
Avoidance of healing and trauma- In order to not let something or someone affect you you have to process the emotions and thoughts you felt through letting. Avoidance of acknowledging previously experienced trauma can lead to buried emotions which can further lead to mental health disorders.
When to not let go
Boundaries are crossed- Whenever your boundaries are crossed dismissing the situation, not speaking up about it and letting go can lead to confusion and misunderstanding. For this reason, speaking up about your discomfort or taking any sort of action towards keeping your boundaries and then letting go is an alternative.
Accountability- In situations where you're at fault, but you're not affected by it at all can be seen as dismissive and inconsiderate and can further lead to a habit of being the same. For this reason, taking time and effort to work on a negative aspect of yourself and apologizing is helpful. However, as mentioned earlier associating guilt with this is not healthy.
How to let go
Allow yourself to feel- Acknowledge to emotions you felt or feel which you were not able to process earlier. This can be done through crying, journaling, having a conversation about it and creating art. Anything which helps you express yourself can be used for this.
Forgiveness - Forgiving yourself or someone else is one of the hardest parts of letting go. However, forgiveness puts an end to the situation and eliminates all the burden which comes with it.
Surround yourself with supportive people- Surrounding yourself with people who understand you and support you makes it easier to let go. In addition, surrounding yourself with people who are honest enough to let you know when you're at fault and when you're holding on to something for too long contributes to your understanding of when to let go.
Be gentle yourself- Letting go is a long process and a frustrating one. Trying to let go can feel like being in an argument with yourself. This is why it is important to be gentle with yourself and remind yourself of the reason behind letting go.
Witness it. Allow it. Release it.
