People Pleasing

People Pleasing is when a person consistently prioritises pleasing others even if it means sacrificing their own needs and wants in the process. People pleasers tend to find it hard to say 'no', overcommit to projects, feel pressured to do stuff and avoid advocating their own needs. If you are not sure if you are a people pleaser try to notice-

1- If you feel pressured to carry out actions which you don't want to do and aren't healthy for you.

2- If you feel guilty for not doing what other people ask you to even if it is harmful for you.

People pleasing occurs due to reasons such as anxiety, low self-esteem and cultural beliefs.

Furthermore, being a people pleaser in a school environment can be tough. You have to deal with situations which are pressuring, confusing and overwhelming. If you find yourself in these situations in school you may be a people pleaser-

• You tend to do most of the work or all the work in group projects.

• You have a constant fear of having no one to talk to and find yourself trying to be liked by everyone.

• You feel like situations and people control your life more than what you decide for yourself.

• You find yourself doing other people favours that you are not comfortable with but do them regardless because of an insecurity.

If you think you are a people pleaser try and do the following things to help overcome this trait.

• Practice saying 'no'- This can be really hard for people who don't have a habit of saying no as they may think they come across as rude or arrogant by doing so but keep in mind that there is nothing wrong in saying no and you are not compelled to do anything therefore saying no is always an option in such situations. For an easy start try practicing this with acquaintances and gradually start saying it to people who you are more close to.

• Get clarity on your boundaries- Try and think of behaviours which you cannot accept from other people at any cost despite how you know them or how close you are to them. List down those behaviours so you can get clarity upon what makes you uncomfortable and what doesn't and then keep the list in mind whenever you meet someone. If you ever find someone behaving in a way which makes you uncomfortable you'll find it easier to set boundaries with that person due to the list made.

• Observe and track the emotions you feel on a day-to-day basis- You can do this through journaling or just simply observing and thinking about what emotion you have been feeling recently. If you have been feeling pressurised, conscious and overwhelmed you have most likely been indulging in people pleasing. Keeping a record of this will help analyse if you have progress.

People pleasing is hugely harmful and unhealthy as it damages your day-to-day life and makes you experience guilt, a sense of being overwhelmed and pressured and confusion. People pleasing is a trait which is worth working against and growing out of and actively working towards overcoming it will surely influence your life in a positive manner and reduce your stress.

If giving leaves you feeling empty, you are giving too much to the wrong people.

Artwork credits- https://in.pinterest.com/pin/491525746845923993/